by Kat Wyatt
The rambunctious cynical movie critic K of K at the Movies has in a short time proven to be a force to be reckon with across WordPress. While unpredictable, K is far from the most powerful writer across the blogosphere.
So, what would the outcome be if some of our fan favorites where to go toe to toe with the anonymous top hat? These outcomes for now our purely hypothetical but we fully considered what attributes or skills would prevail in a duel.
Without further ado, here are 5 bloggers K can defeat, and 5 K doesn’t stand a chance against.
K Can Defeat: Average Joe Reviews
This outcome comes firmly because of one key factor: Average Joe has a camera for a face. K’s non-photogenic personality proves a knack to avoid detection from camera’s and has enough strength to deal with breaking fancy equipment if needed to.
K benefits from having this as a 1 v 1 as if Joe could summon his friend, Godzilla King of the Monsters… we’re sure this fight has a much different outcome.
K Can’t Defeat: Irina (I Drink and Watch Anime)
This tweet provides the key to K’s downfall, 12 piercings. Irina is potentially coming strapped with 12 weapons on deck. If mildly inconvenient sharp objects aren’t enough Irina might be able to keep K guessing with her artful use of non-sequitur .
At the end of the day, Irina’s popularity would give her plot armor level defenses and we’ve all seen what Rock Lee can do with an alcoholic power-up so I’d assume Irina would be fighting in a league of her own.
K Can Defeat: Crow (Crow’s World of Anime)
While Crow is one of the nicest around, it still doesn’t overcome the fact that Crow is just a bird. K could just lock himself indoors and there’s a good chance Crow will just eventually run into a window.
Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds and James Nguyen’s Birdemic: Shock and Terror display how much damage birds can do. However, these birds just don’t have great durability and film critics have been shown to be effective in brutalizing crow’s (The Crow: Salvation, The Crow: Wicked Prayer, and Russell Crowe) so we’d have to give K the edge in this one.
K Can’t Defeat: Scott (Mechanical Anime Reviews)
I mean as soon as Scott gets in his Mech this one is pretty much over. I’m sure Scott would only be using the highest quality mechs so any hopes of draining the battery or causing water damage would work to no avail.
Even if K is given time to prep and set up an ambush, it’s doubtful he’d be able to outsmart the guy with an Aerospace Engineering Master’s Degree. No matter how you slice it, K ends up getting crushed.
K Can Defeat: V (#Millennial Life Crisis)
V has a lot that K doesn’t: a large following, good content, actual talent, self-respect. However, you know what else V has… Celiac disease.
I give it pretty good odds that K is equipped with some white bread, and even if K isn’t then all K has to do is last long enough to use Google Maps and take this battle to the nearest Subway sandwich shop.
K Can’t Defeat: Ospreyshire (Ospreyshire’s Realm)
Equipped with the Iridium Eye, Ospreyshire can flex his ancient wisdom and pretty much banish dudes to the shadow realm. Would K even really stand a chance?
Ospreyshire has learned about the heritage and culture of the Congolese, so he might be well-versed with Catch Fétiche or Voodoo Wrestling. Combining African wrestling traditions with Hulk Hogan inspired showmanship this fighting style is sure to outclass K’s real lack of training.
K Can Defeat: Iniksbane (In Search of Number Nine)
A lot can go into battle, and it can be as much about weaknesses as it is about raw strength. While Iniksbane probably has the upper hand, never underestimate K’s ability to be sneaky and underhanded.
K probably uses Iniksbane’s desperation to find the Ninth Best Anime to cause him to look over there, and then follow up this misdirection with bonking him on the head with a conveniently placed piece of plywood. If this tactic fails, K probably loses badly but from what we’ve gathered this outcome is too likely to write off.
K Can’t Defeat: The Galvanic Team
I’m very confused, is K supposed to fight the two mascots from the banner or fight the entire writing staff (Voyager, Sharlenne, Evil Bob)? I feel like this doesn’t follow the previously stated 1 v 1 rule, but I mean we’re almost done, and you’ve made it this far.
K might be a capable strategist, but he’s no match for ‘Evil Bob’. I don’t know I feel like K gets wobbled by these two anime girls like they’re the ice climbers while Evil Bob schemes up his demise. K has been one of those more comedic villains, more of a mild inconvenience then being capable of much damage outside of awful parodies so he probably wouldn’t fair well against this powerful team.
K Can Defeat: Pinkie (Pinkie’s Paradise)
K’s creativity vs Pinkie’s imagination might be a clash for the ages. It’s heavily implied that Pinkie’s bright personality and source of power is the color pink. Sort of like pixie dust but it’s pinkie dust.
It’s canon from K’s Carnival of Souls review that part of his ‘magic of the movies’ allows him to alter reality into gray-scale with just the clap of his hands. This would ensure swift victory, however, this battle is not as easy as it sounds. With prep time, Pinkie’s going to be strapped: 6 Pokémon, sp. Attack boosts, potions, leftovers you name it. I don’t think K stands a chance against 95% of Pokémon and I highly doubt K is going to be thinking of changing reality while Charizard is mauling K to death so K has a win condition, but I see this going either way. However, if Pinkie enters Jojo’s form Pinku Pumpu…. it’s over.
K Can’t Defeat: Aria Animanga Spellbook
Magicconan14/Aria is “ an average person who serves as an average blogger…when they’re not off watching anime/reading manga, listening to music or wandering off somewhere else, that is”. This heavily implies that when engaging in these activities Aria has access to an ancient series of spells known as “anime”.
I don’t want to discredit K, from his Frozen II review we can see that he possesses some vague magic power but I’m pretty sure this doesn’t outclass the power of “anime”. Plus if K’s thumbnails are canon, K’s Space is the Place planet design features K wearing a space helmet. This soft confirmation that K can’t survive the vacuum of space presents Aria with a clear win with a simple transportation spell while K really doesn’t have anything to rival this master of magic.