When I think of a truly terrifying movie watching experience, I think of The Babyface Murders. While other films have gratuitous jump scares, unsettling imagery, and frightful atmospheric tension…. well all of that is Teletubbies compared to The Babyface Murders. What makes this movie so scary you may ask? Quite Frankly, I did not know my ears could bleed so profusely for such a long duration.

The Babyface Murders is an odd title for what really should be called “Another Found Footage Movie: Curse of the Awful Sound Design”. This movie is honestly the worst movie I’ve seen in terms of the audio quality and here’s the trailer if you don’t believe me.

I honestly don’t think I can create something this bad even if I tried to. The loud banging noise that sounds like someone hammering sheet metal constantly plays whenever the killer shows up and anyone with a brain cell would have been like, “maybe we do it suddenly to the effect of a jumpscare or maybe we fade the audio in so that it builds the tension??? Nah instead let’s just have an obnoxious noise going on in the background of a scene for like two minutes”. That SOMEHOW is not the most painful thing to listen to as the walkie-talkie sounds like garbage.

From my understanding the walkie-talkie is used as both diegetic and non-diegetic sound in the narrative, which I mean sure that’s fine I guess (never make that distinction it doesn’t matter and I’ll just figure it out). But it’s such poor quality I’m convinced that they are recording the audio from the walkie-talkie instead of recording the audio and putting some effect on the audio. Maybe that doesn’t sound that bad but to record in that fashion; It is literally the equivalent of keeping something cold for a few hours by taking ice out of your fridge and putting in a box to keep your contents cold…. but there’s plenty of room just to put it in the fridge. So over numerous scenes of this gargled sound just keeps saying the dumbest things and it honestly reminds me of the “he hates a me” infamous The Amazing Spider-Man 2 soundtrack .There is just nonsensical sound effects that looked like they just shoved in whatever they could find from free sounds.org… literally just playing like a ten hour atmospheric creepy music loop would have been more effective than whatever the fuck these idiots were thinking. Maybe the worst offense in terms of audio… (I know, how can it get worse?) is that in quite possibly the most important scene in the movie between two characters discussing the tapes and the murders and their dialogue audio peaks. You had one job, if you can’t make the film look interesting or having the semblance of a decent plot… can I at the very least hear what the hell is going on without it being painstakingly horrid to do so?

The film is such a pile of doggy doo doo I don’t know how this clearly influenced Facebook reviewer on IMDb lied through his teeth and made statements such as “truly frightening” and “I would welcome a sequel”. The biggest shill is got to be this comment by a DD who goes on to describe this film “more than a whiff of late David Lynch”. I hope this man continues to courageously set an example that the blind and deaf can be valid film critics. What makes found footage interesting to any degree is that it has to be authentic to some degree. The Blair Witch Project is really only successful because of the viral marketing campaign. This film opens to them stating this is real footage then going just kidding this is a recreation of footage found. You want to know what ruins your believability? When your actress is so god awful that you must have 4 obvious and distracting jump cuts in the middle of her opening monologue. Why would the recreated footage on what was a one take vlog be edited so crudely? To be clear, this is not time skipping… the delivery of 4 lines have four cuts in between them. Then it also loses credibility when it inserts reenactments of her dumb face in what is shot to the equivalent of a Drew Gooden skit. To be fair, I hate all the actors in this the two dudes are doing like Shakespeare in the Park. None of these characters feel real or human for that matter, I think the blame kind of falls on everyone’s shoulders but I don’t hope nobody quit their day job.

The cartoon is supposed to be scary, but it’s not. To me it just looks like the Animal Crossing Villager and Ben Drowned in some Good Idea, Bad Idea old educational videos. It’s not scary and I actually did find it funny that this is the first time I’ve seen a character have the ability to rewind demonic footage. And not like in Sinister where Ethan Hawke analyses the footage and finds details to progress the plot but just like YAAA… It’s Rewind Time. I do like the sound effects when they die in the cartoon, personally I would have went with the Roblox “Oof” noise, or the Wilhelm scream but this works too I guess.

Now let’s discuss the graphic and disturbing rape scene. Oh sorry did I just kind of drop that on you. Please move to the next section if you are uncomfortable with the subject matter. It’s disgusting when somewhat graphic rape is used purely for shock value. It’s a delicate subject that can be addressed in ways it might influence a character or be prevalent to the story told but that is not the case with this short sequence. The only reason it is creepy is that I can not tell if it is a human wearing a mask or an actual doll. Reminds me of “Possibly in Michigan” (An old music video that has become somewhat spread around the internet for its creepy vibe) and seems out of place in this movie that really never warrants the inclusion of the scene. More questions get raised not in the film’s narrative but what that must have been like to have film the scene on set that day.

This is rightfully my fault, I mean look at the cover for the film on Amazon (It’s just plain black background with white font if you’re too lazy to see it). How bad. In fairness, the film under its original title had some decent artwork for it but it looks like this could use a makeover. Last time I saw a poster this bad I made one of my own for the film to use free of charge, but as the running joke her goes I’m a very bad digital designer. So here’s a mock-up that is pretty shit but at least it has ideas behind it that maybe you could get a real artist to do some actual composition for it and make something better than that Jacob’s Ladder no cover art crap that you currently have.

And that is all I have to say about that. Can I end it on a more positive note? Well…………………………… at least there was a fun twist at the end, and I think 2% of the cinematography actually looks kinda nice. I’m sure that all the people working on this are lovely people and Richard while I doubt the quality is better I hope your LGBT films are more fulfilling passion projects that make this one for me and one for absolutely nobody philosophy work for you. And if it doesn’t there’s plenty of careers out there buddy.

Thanks for joining me, what is your most awful sounding movie? Be sure to Sound off in the comments and have a wonderful time at the movies.

4 thoughts on “Now This is Scary?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.