So, for the past couple of years there has been some real abysmal horror movies, most recognizably The Bye-Bye Man, that are pretty much a Slender Man movie, but didn’t have the shame or self-loathing to actually call it that. Out of every studio, of course Sony Pictures would be the one to put slim Jim on the screen. From his origin in something awful post threads, to his growth through Photoshop, let’s play, and attempted homicide trial Slender Man needs no introduction. Let’s look at the trailer why don’t we.

Do I need to even convince you that this is a bad movie, even if I said it was going to be the best movie ever would that even change your opinion? Why have I seen this editing before, it looks familiar.

I Know!

 

 

The more I tried to look outside the trailer for information on this movie, the more questions I just started wondering. Is it just me or does director Sylvain White look like Jeff Goldblum from Jurassic Park.

Image result for sylvain white

Image result for jeff goldblum jurassic park

Why can’t the production company for this film make a better website? Why does clicking on Prisoners bring me to the Wikipedia page for Safe House and Vice-Versa? Why can’t Joey King pick better movies? Will the care2 petition to stop the distribution of this movie because of its insensitivity to the trauma of a multi-stab wound victim? Could Slender Man challenge The Emoji Movie for Sony’s biggest embarrassment? Could you write anything more vague than the “about” section at www.slenderman.movie

“Slender Man is a tall, thin, horrific figure with preternaturally long arms and a featureless face. He is thought to be responsible for the haunting, stalking, and disappearance of countless victims”

Is Slender Man the dark cloud monster from Lost? If Slender Man is just a manifestation of dark energy why doesn’t he form a face? Why wasn’t that one girl wearing the appropriate lab safety googles? Will we see Slender Man murder a tailor and take his black suite?

I guess if you have any answers let me know, comment below. Thanks for stopping by and as always I will see you in the spooky forest.

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