The Perfect Minions Movie Doesn’t Exi-

The Minions are the beloved mascots of the Illumination Entertainment and a continuing global phenomenon. Introduced in the first Installment of the Despicable Me Franchise had the adorable yellow creature assisting Gru, a Steve Carrell voiced character as he transitions from a treacherous villain to heroic good doer and father figure. The minions started as adorable comic relief but later went on to transcend that stable as they were given their own spin-off adventure in the first ever Minions movie. With the success of the third Despicable Me film, the Minions are slated to go on yet another solo adventure around 2020. You would think planning an entire franchise around comic relief characters who speak gibberish and heavily rely on low-brow humor would be a terrible idea, but I think you’re wrong. The first Minions’ movie was a nice try but lacked a solid plot, and devolved into small skits that I’m sure I can fix. So, here’s how I would create the perfect Minions movie.

Kid Gru

I think fans were disappointed we didn’t spend any time with kid Gru in the first Minions, I think a small story of an evil boy and his army of chaotic minions solving childish problems would be an enjoyable movie. So, I decided to take what the fans wanted into account and completely ignore it for the most part. The last Minions film ending with the Minions coming with Gru, and we are going to pick up right where we left off. The opening scene will be of Gru and the Minions building a rocket prototype because remember Gru had the desire to go the moon since he was a little kid. They test the rocket and it’s an utter failure maybe we have some slap stick with the rocket flying out of control and causing mayhem. We see Gru is defeated and we have a little moment of him being sad of his failures but still decreeing that he will get to the moon someday. We transition this into a montage of Gru and the minions doing many attempts at being evil but essentially all of them end in failure. The Minions start to get discouraged they hold a big meeting and decide that Gru isn’t cutting it as their master, they seek a more nefarious leader and decide to leave. I think this make sense in universe given Gru has multiple flashbacks to his childhood without any minions, and in the newest Despicable Me the minions do walk out on Gru and want to go back to villainy. Gru responds to the Minions departure as sad, but not necessarily surprised in that maybe it has happened before.

The Search for New Purpose

This is the brief moment where we tread similar waters to first Minions film in having the minions looking for a master and having hilarious moments along the way. The Minions are going to find their new master, and the perfect villain for a Minions movie is Robbie Rotten.

Who’s Robbie Rotten, as if you don’t already know Robbie Rotten was a character of the children syndicated show Lazy Town performed by Stefan Karl Stefansson. Robbie Rotten is the antithesis to the shows’ main character, Sportacus who promoted healthy dieting and exercise. Robbie Rotten and the minions would go together like peas and carrots. Robbie Rotten is pretty much a live-action cartoon character so animating him in goofy style of the Despicable Me universe would blend together so well. I feel like while Scarlet Overkill (Sandra Bullock) and to an extent Gru are both counter balances to the wackiness of the minions, that it would be fresh to see Robbie take it to their level and add to the madness. Robbie Rotten is a master of disguise and maybe he’ll dress up like a minion at some point in the film which that alone is worth the price of admission.

Robbie Rotten is best known for his song “We are Number One” which features him teaching clones of himself how to be “a real villain”. This song is going to be recreated with the minions in a series of Robbie Rotten training them in his lair. This is to establish the plot in that the minions are going to finally cut out the middle man, and Robbie Rotten is going to teach them how to be super villains but in order to prove themselves the must defeat a superhero. Seeing a superhero in the franchise has been something unexplored, if I’m supposed to believe that there’s enough super-villains to have their own banking then I can choose to believe that there is at least one person who is using his technology or powers for the greater good.

Are The Minions Real Villains?

I don’t know who the superhero will be, I think the franchise has had wild and inventive villain designs in Balthazar Brat, Scarlet Overkill, and Vector that it would be neat to see them come up with a similarly creative hero design. I see something as this cliché egotistical hero such as the one in Dreamworks’ Mega Mind but with an illumination twist. Scenes of Robbie Rotten and the minions will ensue, as we see them: having a stake-out to discover the hero’s weakness, planting decoys to set him up for a trap, and maybe the minions sneaking into the Hero’s large mansion would be a delightful series of events. In a turn of events maybe the hero hits his head really hard or some other trigger causes him to turn into a threat and destroys the city. Robbie Rotten, being his lazy self stays on his recliner chair and leaves it to be someone else’s problem. Given the need to take action the minions go out and will attempt to stop the former hero from destroying the city.

How Does it End?

How does it end? Well the minions and the hero have a similar climax/battle with the antagonist that has been in ever addition to the Despicable Me franchise. Maybe some of the minions could distract the hero, while a few stay behind and build another faulty rocket for all of you who love a call back. The rocket flies around wildly eventually hitting the hero on the noggin reverting back to his hero self and falling into a trap set by the minions. The minions catch their breath exhausted by the battle but overjoyed by their victory. Robbie Rotten returns to congratulate the minions on catching a real superhero and wishes they come stay with him as he plots there next acts of evil. The minions acknowledging they’ve bit off more than they can chew and desire to going back to being just minions. The minions slowly walk off into the distance as Robbie admires just how much they’ve learned from his tutelage. Gru is seen sitting somewhere sad and alone on a seesaw when the minions approach them. One of the minions presents Gru with a #1 Evil boss mug and agree to come back to him. Gru stands up and tells the minions that they have work to be done if they are going to reach the moon. Gru walks towards the frame until the frame is shrouded in Gru’s black clothing and the credits role.

Final Remarks

So, there you have it the perfect minions movie in which the yellow guys team up with Robbie Rotten to take down a superhero which in the end they learn that being a villain is too much work and go to appreciate what they had a returning to Gru. Am I being 100% serious in saying this… what do you think? Despite the fact that this sounds like a weird fever dream, there is something to it. I think it’s a fun story that holds true to what the franchise has offered, it introduces some new expansions to the universe and has a linear purposeful story. Whether this is the direction the film will actually go, probably not. Let me know what your perfect Minion movie would be, and if you would see this movie in theaters. For another comical article feel free to read my Three Film/Franchise Ideas Hollywood Should Look Into or the K Files: The Stan Romanek Case. For a more serious post check out Know Your Nominee: Main Title Sequence Emmy Awards 2017.Thanks for the read, it’s always appreciated.

Images used are From Minions [credit: Illumination Entertainment] watch it know on Netflix and Lazy Town [LazyTown Entertainment]


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