It seems that Hollywood is willing to turn anything into a film/franchise these days. With questionably bizarre films such as The Emoji Movie truly mystifying film viewers on how this got made. It has almost gotten to the point where almost any recognizable brand has a chance of becoming a film these days. With that in mind is it really such an awful thing that Hollywood has “run out of ideas”. I think we are in an exciting new landscape in which anything can transcend onto the big screen and be a hit movie. Here I present to you three film/franchise ideas that Hollywood if your listening, you’re welcome.
Charmin Ultra Soft Bears
If there’s anything that Hollywood loves it’s the family dynamic. It makes sense as not only does that leave a character for each demographic to magnet towards but everyone can relate to being in a family… except orphans. Kids love big fluffy bears and it seems that animal movies are a huge hit in the animated world. I will link this other blogger, A Blumes with a View who wrote about his admiration for the Charmin bears and includes who the bears are exactly. I don’t know if this is canon as I couldn’t find this information anywhere else but it shows you that it’s easy to expand on these lovable characters and give them distinct vague personalities. Now the question on everyone’s mind is how do we make an entire film about a toilet paper mascot. I thinking the best way is to not rip-off but pay homage to a great family classic, National Lampoon’s Vacation. Leonard the bear is your typical Clark Griswold character who is kind of your goofy dad who means well. There’s a lot of people who you can get to play the dad character but this would be the perfect role for none other than Tim Allen. Tim Allen already has not only proven himself the quintessential TV father on Home Improvement, but also is a respected voice actor as Buzz Lightyear in the Toy Story franchise. Since Last Man Standing just got flushed, I think he would be happy to take up such an iconic role. All Leonard wants to do is bring his family together so he journeys them out of the forest on a good all-American road trip to a vacation spot he’s always dreamed of taking the family. The movie plans to be full of toilet humor and Charmin toilet paper. I can see a gag now where Leonard is packing the trunk and he keeps filling the trunk with these gigantic packs of toilet paper. The film already has a perfect tagline that represents how it’s not the destination but the journey that should really be the experience we are looking for as the tagline for this movie is “Have to go. Why not enjoy the go”? The Charmin Bears have graced are TV screens for quite some time now, and it’s about time they get a representation on the big screen.
The General Mills Universe
The latest trend that has taken Hollywood by storm is the idea of universe building. Once the Marvel movies opened are eyes to the possibility of stringing movies together into one never-ending franchise movie goers found themselves growing exponentially more excited. It made sense when Marvel competitors in DC started doing the same as the idea of a Justice League movie coming into fruition was a thought very enticing to comic book fans everywhere. Then Star Wars jumped on the bandwagon, and Universal even dug through there archives and said “hey, we can do that to” when they announced the Universal Monsters would be getting their own Dark Universe as well. The people love these connected film franchises that I think It’s time we give the people what they’ve been asking for and that’s putting the General Mills Cereal mascots into mainstream movie franchises. Now when I think of colorful cartoon children’s cereal mascots I think of a dark and gritty suspenseful action movie. It’s going to be an uphill battle as people are going to see this and think this sounds absolutely ridiculous and to silence the naysayers, we’re going to charge out the gates strong. The first film is going to be the ultimate game of cat and mouse the top agent is tracking down the most slippery scoundrel there is. With the plans to the CR-EL device at stake in this Bourne/Taken inspired film will the Trix Rabbit will be hunting down Lucky the Leprechaun. Alien v. Predator, Freddy V.S. Jason, Batman v. Superman the people love them a good cross-over and this plans to be no different. What will happen when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object.
What else is one the agenda, well, there will be a suspenseful crime horror in which Sonny the Cocoa Puffs bird is a detained psychotic killer for being too cuckoo for cocoa puff and a team of detectives must pick his mind and have him cooperate in order to prevent another killer on the loose. This film is going to be a provoking re-imagining of Silence of the Lambs and a unique expansion of the universe that will surprise critics everywhere when the watch the emerging hit Cereal Killers. Now, we need a quirky team-up film with a killer soundtrack. The government is faced with a problem they don’t know how to face and must unleash a group of monsters. Sounds a lot like Monsters vs Aliens (shut up). Who better to be a ragtag team of quirky personalities than Boo Berry, Franken Berry, and Count Chocula. I can envision the trailer now that features these characters delivering quips and beating up generic antagonists while a sick remix of the Monster Mash plays over the trailer.
The thing about a film universe is that we don’t care as much about the film nearly as much as we love talking about the films. Think of all the discussions we can have about requiring the rights to other corporate own mascots like Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and Captain Crunch as well as commercials that could be expanded into the perfect source material for the next film and how characters have evolved and changed over the year into becoming the cereal mascot we’ve come to love today. This universe would be fun and fresh and with the iconic characters that have been a large feature of a balanced breakfast in that this would be the game changer that cinema needs.
Happy Meal the Movie
If there is anything that children love its emotion. Inside Out, Trolls, The Emoji Movie kids love movies about emotions, we all have them (unless you’re a sociopath) we can all relate to having them. Why make an outstanding children’s film that is an intelligent challenge to prejudices when you can make a movie that’s man message is don’t worry, be happy. If you thought those darn emojis are everywhere, well McDonald’s is everywhere too. There’s even McDonald’s in China which is a very valuable foreign market that your movie has to make an impression on. Where going to split the cost and make a hybrid animated, live-action film in which we’ll have Darrell the un-happy meal who will travel through our world and through discovering the amazing things about the world around him will discover that happiness was inside him all along. I don’t really know where the story will go especially because these happy meal things don’t talk but if Minions have taught us anything is if you flash a recognizable brightly colorful cute ugly thing on the screen someone will be entertained for an hour and a half.
Thanks to anyone who was able to read through such umm… interesting ideas. I hope well by know you’ve figured out that this was a more comedic post and none of these should be taken seriously (but please don’t tell Hollywood I don’t want to give them any ideas).I don’t necessarily hate franchise films I just think this was a fun way to think that maybe the line should be drawn somewhere. At the end of the day what are your thoughts on these films could you see any of these getting made or are the all as ludicrous as they were meant to be. Do you have any real or joke film franchises of your own feel free to comment down below. All comments and likes are appreciated thanks for stopping by and enjoy the go.
The featured image is from The Emoji Movie [credit: Sony Animation]
I do not own any of the images used and all images are owned by their respected brands.